10 March 2007


I just read about petite's encounter with a seagull in Essaouira and felt the need to write about my own seagull story. Back in the 80's I was dodging classes and spending the afternoon on the Clearwater Beach with a friend (okay some guy I was nailing) and we were pretty wasted on small rolled cigarrettes and Jack Daniel's and I needed a burger. I made my way to the snackbar and waited in line with all the other fried losers who had nothing better to do on a Wednesday afternoon but lay around in the sand. I squinted up at this hand painted sign hanging over the order window that said "Not responsible for food eaten by seagulls!" I remember thinking what sort of a moron would expect the snackbar to be responsible if you gave your food to a seagull? Aside from that, only snowbirds freshly landed on the sandy shores are stupid enough to feed seagulls and they only do it once.
I got my burger (this whole process had taken nearly an hour, from walking to the snackbar, waiting my turn and waiting for the burger to be grilled), unwrapped it and walked out from under the tiki hut covering the tables where most people were eating. I was just about to take a bite and this winged rat flew off the roof where he had obviously been waiting for me, swooped down and snatched the meat right out of my bun and flapped away. I looked up and maybe it was the weed or maybe it was the Jack but I swear the 50 other seagulls up there were laughing at me. I took my bread and mayonnaise and went on back to my chair. My friends says Dude, where is the meat? He was pretty sorry he asked.


iJuli Cooks
(but mostly eats and watches Reality TV)
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